My fellow Americans,
Not a pretty picture. It’s
Liberation day. Looted, pillaged,
Raped, plundered, ripped off
For more than fifty years.
But it’s not going to happen
Any more. Not going to happen.
Foreign cheaters, foreign scavengers,
Tearing apart once beautiful
America. Tearing. Apart.
China sixty-seven percent.
But now from midnight, we will
Impose a tariff on the
Heard and McDonald Islands.
Very, very tough traders.
Inhabitants: cheater penguins,
Scavenging seals, petrels –
Very stormy. Very stormy.
Albatrosses; and penguins
Creating filthy pollution havens.
Rotting fish. Who’s going
To clear them up? America?
Devouring valuable fish stocks,
Depriving of catches our great fishermen,
Brutalised by waddling scavengers
Ripping us off. Waddling.
Fat seals wasting precious blubber,
While factories in Michigan
Close down. Petrels,
Producing eggs. Nutritious.
Food for Americans. Left to become,
Baby petrels. Wasted.
And albatrosses, seeking
American necks to hang round.
Over the years, we’ve lost
Dozens and dozens of dollars.
Yes, but no more. No. After midnight,
It’s tariffs. You will pay, Heard.
You will pay, McDonald.
Ripped off. Sleepy Jo Biden.
Not going to happen.
Get that war ended.
Greenland. A terrible thing.
God bless America. Very
Very rich. Yes no.
Thank you. Penguins.
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