Right then, Britain. Strap in. We’re about to take a ride through the kind of economic plan that makes you wonder if someone spiked the think tank’s water cooler with a Thatcher ghost cocktail.
Richard Tice has emerged again, this time waving what he calls a “plan to save Britain.” And by “plan,” I mean a selection of tax-cutting fever dreams, reheated from the back of the Trussonomics microwave. He’s shouting slogans like “Make work pay!” and “Make risk-taking pay!” which is cute, because nothing says ‘serious fiscal thinking’ like something you’d find stitched on a Tory tea towel.
Now, let me be clear. I’ve survived six recessions Richard, so I’ve seen my fair share of economic delusion. But this? This is a full-blown ideological hallucination, equal parts wishful thinking, Daily Mail clickbait, and the kind of math that only adds up if you count unicorns as assets.
We’re told that economists, you know, the people who actually study this stuff, have got it all wrong. Meanwhile, Richard Tice’s plan is so misguided he’d probably mistake a broadcast studio for an oil rig and start drilling, apparently in possession of truths so powerful, he doesn’t need spreadsheets. Or logic. Or even basic fiscal literacy.
So, let’s go point by point. Not because Tice deserves it, but because someone needs to mop up after this ideological food fight with a wet flannel of facts, wit, and maybe just a touch of despair. Let’s begin, shall we?
Cut tax, get rich – and other bedtime stories
Here comes Richard’s big idea: raise the income tax threshold, slash corporation tax, scrap inheritance tax, and somehow increase revenue. The magic wand behind all this? The Laffer Curve. Beloved by snake oil salesmen and every economist who’s never had to make a budget work in the real world.
The Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) and the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) – the grown-ups in the room, have pointed out that these cuts mean a massive hole in the budget. Spoiler: he’ll fill it with pixie dust and public service cuts.
Inheritance tax (less than 4% of UK estates are liable for Inheritance Tax)? Gone. Because apparently the biggest threat to Britain isn’t the NHS or energy poverty, it’s millionaires not getting to pass on their fourth Range Rover.
Honestly, if this plan were a child’s drawing, it’d be stuck on the fridge under the magnet that says “Live, Laugh, Laffer.”
Scrap net zero – because who needs a planet anyway?
Tice reckons scrapping net zero will save thirty billion pounds a year. That number is as real as my will to live after reading his policy sheet. The Climate Change Committee says it requires investment, not annual spending. And even then, the returns include green jobs, clean air, and not turning Cornwall into a salt lagoon.
Richard, who stored his wealth offshore, wants to burn what’s left. Drill here, frack there, and hope nobody notices the world’s literally on fire. He sees flood maps and thinks, “Ooh, beachfront development.”
Climate change doesn’t care about slogans. It’s physics. It doesn’t read Reform UK leaflets. It just… happens.
5% off everything – like a budget supermarket, but with more collateral damage
Tice says cut 5% from every department. Sounds easy if you’ve never set foot in a school, a courtroom, or an NHS waiting room.
Public services have already been stripped down to the bone. If we cut 5% more, we’re not saving money, we’re closing wards, shutting down youth services, and turning teachers into part-time fundraisers.
For Tice, “waste” means anything that isn’t subsidising shareholder dividends. He sees the public sector as something to slash, squeeze, and sell off.
QE reserves: or, how to accidentally trigger a gilt crisis with a shrug
Then there’s the bright idea to stop paying interest on QE reserves. “Not a default,” he says. But markets don’t care about semantics. They care about vibes. And the vibe here is “Argentina, but greyer.”
Unilaterally pulling the plug on that mechanism would scream one thing to global investors: “We’re making it up as we go.”
It’s not economic reform. It’s drunk-driving fiscal policy with the headlights off.
Welfare scroungers and other imaginary friends
According to Tice, Britain is full of lazy benefit cheats abusing the Motability scheme. Data? None. Evidence? Nah. Just vibes and bile.
The DWP already requires proof, assessments, and more paperwork than a Victorian orphanage. But Richard would rather paint everyone not in a three-piece suit as part of some state-funded car heist.
Meanwhile, he’s giving tax breaks to the private jet class. Robin Hood in reverse.
NHS reform, Tice-style: queue jumpers and tax breaks for the wealthy
His solution to NHS collapse? Get the rich to go private. Give them tax perks for skipping the queue. It’s not reform. It’s surrender.
Outsourcing services, underfunding staff, and creating a two-tier system? That’s how you end up with a postcode lottery where your life expectancy depends on your bank balance.
Patriotism, but make it offshore
And now the kicker: for thirty years, Tice has stored family wealth in Jersey. Legal? Sure. But don’t preach fiscal morality while your fortune’s sipping pina coladas in a tax haven.
He talks about fairness while previously dodging the very system he wants to run. It’s hypocrisy in its purest, most lightly taxed form.
Austerity in a suit and the politics of pretend
Tice isn’t offering reform. He’s selling ideology in a cheap suit. It’s Thatcherism’s ghost with a TikTok strategy.
Yes, people are tired. They want something new. But this isn’t new. It’s austerity reheated and served with a side of smug.
We need leaders who understand the country they serve, not ones who use it as a stage while their money sleeps offshore.
We need real reform: rooted in facts, funded by fairness, and led by someone who doesn’t confuse tax dodging with strategy.
Yours in broken pens, lukewarm tea, and unclaimed overtime.Willy & Bill
Economist (Unofficial)
Satirist (Unapologetic)
Public Service Survivor (Still Breathing)
