’Twas the night before Crimbo (Gen-Z remix)

’Twas the night before Crimbo, and all through the ends,
Not a mandem was stirring, not even my friends.
The trainers were hung by the chimney with flair,
In hopes that Big Santa very soon would be there.

The youngsters were nested, all snug in their bed,
Dreaming of trainers and sweet gingerbread.
Mum in her bonnet, Dad in his cap,
Had just settled down for a nice Netflix nap.

When out in the yard there arose such a ruckus,
I dashed to the window to see what the fuss was.
Away to the curtains I flew like a shot,
Peeked through the blinds to clock what I’d got.

The moon on the cars parked up on the street
Gave a vibe to the night—low-key, but neat.
When what did I spy, moving proper legit,
But a whip and a sleigh, and some reindeer, innit!

With a driver so hairy, I thought, “Could it be?”
It must be BigSanta, near a very tall tree.
Quicker than scooters, his reindeer they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

“Yo Dasher, yo Dancer, Blitzen and Prancer,
Oi Cupid, Oi Comet, sort it, no banter!
To the top of the gaff, to the top of the wall,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!”

Like scooters that zip through the town with finesse,
When they meet with a roadblock, they swerve and progress.
So up to the rooftop the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of loot and Big Santa too.

And then, in a flash, I clocked on the roof,
The stomping of hooves, sounds really uncouth.
I turned my head fast, sent me spinning around,
As down came Big Santa, with a leap to the ground.

Draped out in garms, from his boots to his hat,
He showed a big belly, being so fat
A sack full of bits he had flung on his back,
Like he’d been on a spree, no cap, just fact.

His eyes, how they twinkled, his smile was just huge,
His cheeks were all rosy, must have put on some rouge!
His lips had a grin, his vibes were all cheery,
And he laughed like your mate after having too many.

The stub of a cig he held tight in his teeth,
The smoke circling round looked just like a wreath.
That belly so big, sticking out like a globe,
A good job for all that he wore a large robe.

He was so pink and plump, a right jolly old bloke,
And I laughed when I heard him making a joke.
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
He had me convinced there was nothing to dread.

He didn’t chat much but got straight to his craft,
Filling so many creps with presents quite daft. 
Then tipping his cap, he jumped into his sleigh,
And quickly dashed off, without any delay.

But I heard him shout, as he flew out of sight,
“Merry Crimbo to all, and to all a good night!”