There once was a pear tree at Yuletide,
Whose branches stood empty and wide.
Then a partridge took flight,
Out of mind, out of sight,
And roosted a mile away with pride.
Two turtle doves, quite the pair,
Stirred up mischief without a care.
When dinner bells rang,
Their fate soon began—
Larry The Cat thought they'd make a fine fare!
In a coop where the hens brewed up glee,
Three French fowls longed for liberty.
They clucked with delight,
Dreaming of flight,
But alas, there’s no way they’d be free
Oh listen, four birds are calling us out,
Saying we ought to be tolerant, no doubt.
But we don't want their chime,
We’re cooking up time—
In a pan of scouse, they dance all about!
In the garden buried real deep,
Five gold rings in a treasure heap.
We won’t share a thing,
Who lost them? No fling—
It’s gold for us finders to keep!
Six geese found a nest in some kegs,
Laying eggs with their feathery legs.
"We’ll wait for the spring,
No breeding,” they sing,
Then we sell all their eggs to Greggs!
In a pond where the swans glide along,
Seven regal ones swim, proud and strong.
They belong to the King,
So we leave them their fling,
While they serenade life with a song.
In the land where eight maids took a stand,
With bounties and dreams so grand,
They sought to milk cows,
But faced furrowed brows—
Immigration drew lines in the sand.
Nine ladies were eating a mango,
While dancing along to a tango.
This foreign stuff got us in a flop,
So we told them to stop,
And now they just play bingo instead of fandango.
Ten lords a-leaping, quite spry,
With baited breath leaped to the sky.
Hoping for cheers,
But through the years,
The old folks just froze with a sigh.
Eleven pipers played loud through the night,
With bagpipes that filled hearts with delight.
But the law came, you see,
"That noise must not be!
Your music is causing a fright!"
In a flurry of joy, drummers came,
Twelve thumping beats stoked the flame.
We questioned the noise,
That drowned out our poise—
'Twas a Christmas that ended in fame!
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